I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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