I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
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Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
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Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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