I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize