Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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