I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize