There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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