I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
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I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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