she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize