Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
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