You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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