paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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