Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize