I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
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i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
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Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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