he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
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It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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