I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
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He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
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sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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