He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
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I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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