I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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