Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
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just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We're too hungover to prance.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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