I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
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we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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