dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
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I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
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Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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