I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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