this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
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In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
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Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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