Pappa wants mamma naked
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
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I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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