Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize