My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize