i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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