He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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