sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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