Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize