I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
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she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
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Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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