This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
