You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
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your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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