I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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