I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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