Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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