Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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