PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
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take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
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I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize