"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
false alarm. still invincible.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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