At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
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we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
it's like heaven, but drunker
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
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I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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