So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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