ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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