I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize