Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
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We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
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mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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