Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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