Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
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