I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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