I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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