I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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