omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
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My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
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if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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