The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
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There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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