Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize